My fiancé won’t go from his mother’s home — is it time to split up?

08. September 2017 All About Children 0

The question

My fiancé and I have known each other since 2006 and were participated in 2012. But after 10 years relationship, he’s still living with his mother and not ready to move out to live with me. He purchased a home in 2010 as I pushed him to find his own home, hoping he’d move from his parents’ and start his own life, but he did not. His mom has an opinion on everything in his life and his home’s renovation, painting, landscaping etc.. I never have to maneuver in nor even receive a key. We are equally middle-aged, educated and professional. He is 53 and I’m 48. I wish to settle down and build a life with him, but he is still dragging his feet and living in the home. He asked me to wait until his occupation was stressful and until he could get another, better home for us to move into. He has many explanations. He said he loved me and could marry me soon. However, 10 years passed and nothing’s changed: He is still single and reckless. Please advise if I’m right to break him up.

The answer

The term “duh” springs to mind.

Additionally: “Listen to yourself. Can you — can you just listen to yourself?”

You know, broadly {}, I try to create Damage Control a “safe space” for people to unburden themselves, vent spleen as may be and admit to making errors.

Then, I will say something along the lines of: “Hey, do not be worried about it, most of us make mistakes, me as much as anybody. Here is what you do.”

But every once in a while, a question comes across the transom where the individual is so egregiously oblivious of the elephant-in-the-room obviousness of the issue my pencil is obliged to flash out of its scabbard and I must administer some “tough love.”

This, madam, I am afraid, is just one of these, therefore gird yourself.

But first, let’s take a look at this so-called guy, your so-called fiancé.

Man, I hate time wasters. And this man is wasting your time.

It’s a dreadful, grievous sin to waste another individual’s time. Time is the most precious commodity we’ve got on this planet. However, to waste a decade of another individual’s life? I am no priest, but I would say that is a cardinal, a.k.a. “mortal,” sin.

The worst, IMHO, is when a guy — dithering, heel-dragging, prevaricating, if not completely filling the air with lies — wastes a woman’s prime child-bearing years, so she must give up her cherished dream of being a mother.

Then dumps her. I have seen this happen. There’s a special place in hell for such characters, filled with demons with pliers, blowtorches, iron maidens and other instruments of torture.

But it has to be said it requires some collusion, willful blindness or naïveté on the part of the victim (you).

Certainly the situation here. This cad/mama’s boy has not stolen the last decade of your life — you have given it to him! Can he be so dazzling, dashing and debonair he has a Svengali-like hold over you? Is he like some mix of George Clooney and the reincarnation of Cary Grant and Fred Astaire? (even though it’s tough to imagine such a being living with his mommy.)

Not sure I completely understand his living arrangements. Can he live in this home or with his mother? It’s unclear. Doesn’t matter. Bottom line: You want to ditch this chump, prontissimo and post-haste, before he wastes another decade of your life.

Life’s too short to envision decades out the window like a lot of spent cigarettes. If it helps, read the book He’s Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

Or simply read the name: The contents of this book do not elucidate or elaborate much.

(Yes, columnist admits, blushing: I read it.)

A publication that electrified a generation of girls and freed many of these, it appeared, from the sort of wafflers and heel-draggers like the one now bleeding you white.

Place this mama’s boy at the rear-view, watch him get smaller and smaller. Then, find somebody who is into you. Who enjoys you, who “has” you, who wishes to spend your lives together, so that you can have some fun in the time that remains and stop living a life of anxiety and uncertainty.

Are you currently in a sticky situation? Send your issues to . Please keep your submissions to 150 words and include a daytime contact number so we can follow up with any questions.

Courtesy: The Globe And Mail


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